Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Thirty-seven: Dear God, It's Me Mary

Dear God,
  I promise to help crack babies learn to read,
and I promise to stop using plastic bags in the grocery stores,
and get a hybrid car and walk to school instead of drive.
I promise never to pass judgement on strangers or even 
people I know if they confuse effect with affect and 
declare that Bridges of Madison County was the finest
book they ever read while I quietly  choke back on my 
own vomit not allowing it to trickle out of the corners
of my mouth.  I make a vow to stop myself from damning
people to the eternal fires of hell whenever I see the "I Voted for
Bush--2004" bumper sticker on their cars.  I will stop laughing 
at women wearing gauchos and skorts.  I take the blood oath here
and now to drink 8 full glasses of water, stretch appropriately before
running, and oh, that's right start running for my health.
I promise to always rinse out the cans for recycling, and
smile at the woman who lives across the street despite the 
fact that she would never smile at us not even if threatened 
with a Middle Eastern decapitation ritual. I will be more patient 
with my family, more giving to strangers in need and more 
thoughtful with my friends.  I will clean behind my refrigerator.
I promise I will do all of these things if I can, in my next life, come
back as Beyonce.
Really, this time I mean it,
Mary

3 comments:

DiaBelo said...

Well praise Jesus because I had to read the whole thing before I realized that it was really you and not some ghost in the machine-thingy. I should have seen that one coming.

LJ said...

You made my morning. I'm laughing out loud. I've never read The Bridges of Madison County

JSG said...

For all that goodness I'd want the booty of Beyonce, the soul of Mother Teresa, P!nk's abs and Paris Hilton's bank account. Even then, I'd have to live my life with earplugs and blinders, because, like you, my bullshit meter cannot be shut off.

Thanks for making me chuckle.