Thirty-seven: Dear God, It's Me Mary

Dear God,

  I promise to help crack babies learn to read,

and I promise to stop using plastic bags in the grocery stores,

and get a hybrid car and walk to school instead of drive.

I promise never to pass judgement on strangers or even 

people I know if they confuse effect with affect and 

declare that Bridges of Madison County was the finest

book they ever read while I quietly  choke back on my 

own vomit not allowing it to trickle out of the corners

of my mouth.  I make a vow to stop myself from damning

people to the eternal fires of hell whenever I see the "I Voted for

Bush--2004" bumper sticker on their cars.  I will stop laughing 

at women wearing gauchos and skorts.  I take the blood oath here

and now to drink 8 full glasses of water, stretch appropriately before

running, and oh, that's right start running for my health.

I promise to always rinse out the cans for recycling, and

smile at the woman who lives across the street despite the 

fact that she would never smile at us not even if threatened 

with a Middle Eastern decapitation ritual. I will be more patient 

with my family, more giving to strangers in need and more 

thoughtful with my friends.  I will clean behind my refrigerator.

I promise I will do all of these things if I can, in my next life, come

back as Beyonce.

Really, this time I mean it,

Mary