On the way home, traveling on I-4, making our way past the Orlando exits, there was a curious one marked Holy Land Experience this exit. Holy Land Experience? My knowledge of the Holy Land is through the Bible and my knowledge of the Bible is sketchy at best, but I do believe the highlights were tales of clan infighting, government corruption, environmental disasters and religious conflict. I do believe there is already a Holy Land Experience. It's called the Middle East. Honestly, who thinks of these things?
It makes me think that maybe I should create my own Orlando attraction like the Middle Age Experience where you gain weight rapidly despite regular exercise, have fits of forgetfulness, become invisible to those younger than yourself, pull muscles while sleeping and find gray hairs in places that will make you cry. I could also design the Public School Teacher Experience where you go to college for 4 sometimes 5 years to earn a degree, then make a starting salary that falls just below the poverty line, work 7-10 hours a day at a job where you are held responsible for those areas completely out of your control and are blamed repeatedly for society's ills.
Okay, my peeps, what Orlando attraction would you design?
4 comments:
For the Orlando visitor who trekked there with all the kids in the minivan, I think there should be the TSA Experience.
Experience all the thrills of an invasion of privacy, search and seizure. Give up your constitutional rights. Participate in a game of make-believe that any toddler can see right through, as you are screened to board a plane that has a belly full of unscanned cargo. Bring the kids. Bring Grandma, so long as she doesn't mind getting up out of the wheelchair for her personal pat down!
The NBE-- New Baby Experience. Hold a wriggling mass of flesh for 18 hours a day--or experience hormone-provoking shrieks and cries for the same 18 hours. The requirement to enter is an introductory night of no sleep to kick it off. I could go on and on but I'm tired. (People would actually visit this place more than once because of the unexpected smiles.)
Hello Foreign Tourists... Welcome to Dick Cheney World. For a small fortune (payable in military contracts, bribes, or barrels of oil) you can get jiggy with the V.P.
In "War Zone", design your very own invasion. You get to create the fake proof necessary for congressional approval, and choose the country to be invaded. Then, sit back and watch our simulators entertain you with your very own personal battle (in 3D!).
At "The Hunting Adventure", we supply the quail, the guns, and the confederate flag. We even shoot the guest of your choice. It's all for fun though, so choose someone who will apologize for making you wait on the long line.
Welcome to Customer Service Rep world where you can listen to people bitch and moan at you all day about problems you can't fix. I've been banking here for twenty-five years. Why do I have to give you my account number? You should be able to remember my voice on the phone.
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